“If a woman makes a vow to the L-rd or imposes a
prohibition [upon herself] while in her father’s house, in her youth, if her
father heard her vow or her prohibition which she has prohibited upon herself,
yet her father remains silent, all her vows shall stand, and any prohibition
that she has imposed upon herself shall stand. But if her father hinders her
on the day he hears it, all her vows and her prohibitions that she has imposed
upon herself shall not stand. The L-rd will forgive her because her father
hindered her.
But if she is [betrothed] to a man, with her vows upon
her or by an utterance of her lips which she has imposed upon herself and her
husband hears it but remains silent on the day he hears it, her vows shall
stand and her prohibition which she has imposed upon herself shall stand. But if
her husband hinders her on the day he heard it, he has revoked the vow she had
taken upon herself and the utterance which she had imposed upon herself and the
L-rd will forgive her…Any vow or any binding oath of self affliction,
her husband can either uphold it or revoke it.” (Bamidbar/Numbers
30: 4-9, 14)
This week’s Torah portion includes the laws for making and
revoking vows. At first glance, it appears that Torah views women as incapable
of making vows without first getting permission from our fathers or husbands. This
is not at all what Torah intends.
The first verses cited apply only to a naarah, girl
in her youth, between the ages of 11 and 12. Rashi writes: “Neither a minor nor
an adult, since a minor’s vows are invalid and an adult is not under her father’s
jurisdiction to revoke her vows. What is considered a minor? Our Rabbis said: A
girl of eleven years and a day, her vows are examined. If she knows in whose
name she vowed, or in whose name she consecrated something, her vow stands.
From the age of twelve years and a day, she does not need to be tested.” Rashi
cites the Talmud, Niddah 45b. Therefore, there is only a short time period
when a father can revoke his daughter’s vows, only in the year preceding her bat
mitzvah. Single women older than 12, widows and divorcees are responsible
for their own vows.
As for married women, Chaya Shuchat notes on chabad.org that
the husband can only nullify a certain type of his wife’s vows. She writes: “The
type of vow that a husband can override is ‘an oath of self-affliction’ – a vow
that restricts food, drink, sleep or other physical needs, or a vow that
impacts their relationship. But if a wife should pledge a large sum of her
money to charity, for example, she is on her own.”
“The power of nullification given to men is within the
context of a relationship. A single adult woman makes or breaks her own vow…Torah
is not making a statement here about a woman’s ability to be independent and to
think for herself. Rather, the take-home message here has something to do with
the bond between father and daughter, husband and wife.”
Mrs. Shuchat explains that Chassidism teaches that all of us
have a blend of masculine and feminine traits. Part of us can make vows, and
another part can overrule them. The two parts correspond to the intellectual
attributes of the feminine binah and the masculine chochmah. She
writes: “Chochmah is an idea and binah is its development; chochmah
is the big picture and binah is the details. Chochmah is abstract
and somewhat detached from the world, while binah is more invested in
this world.”
“Since binah is predominant in women, a woman may,
for example, expend a great effort not only in cooking a marvelous dish, but
also in presenting it and serving it. A man might be perfectly happy just to
eat a warm meal. A woman may fuss over bedding sets and matching curtains,
while a man is satisfied to sleep on any flat surface.” (Not all women are obsessed with details and not
all men are cavemen; we all have both feminine and masculine traits. Men sometimes
express their feminine side, and women sometimes express their masculine side.)
With respect to vows, Mrs. Shuchat elaborates. A woman who gets
caught up in the details of homemaking may become concerned that she is
spending too much time on frivolous activities, clothes shopping and wasting
time instead of doing mitzvot (commandments) such as reciting Tehillim
(psalms) or visiting the sick. She may take a vow on herself to “afflict her
soul.” Her husband or her father’s chochmah tells her not to make this
vow, not to pull back from beautifying the world and making a lovely home.
Writes Mrs. Shuchat: “This is why the absolution of vows
takes place only within the context of a relationship. The bond between father
and daughter, or husband and wife, guarantees that there is a balance of
energies. We need the masculine traits of objectivity and broad perspective, chochmah,
to ensure that our mundane activities are neither neglected nor over-elaborate.
Then the womanly art of binah can truly flourish, and whatever we do to beautify
our homes or ourselves will serve a higher purpose. The male steps in not to suppress
the female, but on the contrary – to elevate and dignify her, to make certain
that she, herself, appreciates what she is bringing to the table. And through
the bond between chochmah and binah, we draw down the highest divine
energy into our midst, and make our home and our world into a true dirah,
a place where G-d can dwell.”
http://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/2635575/jewish/Broken-Vows.htm
